My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize