Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
