Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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