i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
