how can u be prego again
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize