So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
