yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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