What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize