I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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