I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
