SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have aggressive nipples.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
