I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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