u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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