dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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