have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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