Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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