Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
