Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
