The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
