yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
FUCK WHALES
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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