sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
