I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize