She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
