I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize