GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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