so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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