had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
