how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize