I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
