dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm too high and old for this...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
