Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
