I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize