i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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