she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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