I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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