I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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