I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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