U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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