She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
