I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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