Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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