Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
