My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
