Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
