I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
