Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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