Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
