the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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