why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you didnt know i had herpes?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
