Already got asked if we're dating
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize