Porn is love you can see.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
