I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
