Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
