My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize