Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I need to align my fucking chakras
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
