Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize