I need help removing her.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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