my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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