fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
