No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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