so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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