Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
3pm strippers are depressing
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
