just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
