I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
