Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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