cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
