dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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