im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
tell me about the fingering
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
