so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Randomize
