I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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