did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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