Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize