I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize