I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
