Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
