We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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