Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
do herpes really smell.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
