she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
