Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
