I bet he comes in French.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
