she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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