i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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