i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
