Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
