I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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