I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
