my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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