we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
