Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just high enough for therapy.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
