Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
