i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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