i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
